If I had to pick a single reason that I’m a Democrat, I’d chalk it up to genetics — specifically, the two of mine labeled “XX”. It’s perfectly clear to me which party values my competence and my achievements, and which party sees my value as defined primarily by my reproductive history.
In Mississippi, we’re fortunate that our Republican politicians routinely provide helpful reminders of this stark difference in attitudes, just in case we grow forgetful. Today’s comments from Gov. Phil Bryant, blaming American educational issues on “The mom got in the workplace”, is just another sad example of the pervasiveness of GOP thinking that women belong in the home.
Mississippi is home to more single mothers than any other state, and more of those families fall below the poverty line. It’s more important here than anywhere else in the nation to provide opportunities for women. We need our bright and capable girls to become teachers to help all of our children succeed in school, and to be doctors and dentists and nurses to improve our woeful health outcomes. We need them to start small businesses to grow our state’s economy, and yes, to run for office to bring our perspectives to government. Most of all, we need not to automatically leave half of our state’s talent and energy behind at home.
Most women have young children for only a relatively small percentage of their working lives, eight or ten years at most between the birth of the oldest and the start of school for the youngest. If we encourage women to make decisions about their future based solely on those few years of intensive parenthood — or penalize them for it in ways that impact their entire careers — we’re wasting the potential those women have to offer Mississippi.
I’m so proud to be a wife and a mother. Becoming the latter wasn’t easy for me, and I could easily have chosen to give up and fill my life in other ways. The dream of a family meant enough to me to keep hanging on until it finally came to pass, and I never forget how blessed and proud I am to have my children. However, I’m just as proud to be a mother who is also a computer programmer and a political advocate.
As a computer programmer, it’s doubly important to me to be a role model for other women in technology. I’m used to being the only female developer in the room, and part of the reason I stay in that room now is to save some spots for younger women. If we don’t encourage women by example to thrive in STEM fields, we’re leaving behind enormous untapped resources of talent and creativity. Just ask Dr. Hannah Gay, the pioneering Mississippi doctor who has gained worldwide attention for her groundbreaking HIV research. How many potential Dr. Gays decided not to go to medical school because they thought they couldn’t balance it with their family goals? How many teenage girls will now be inspired by her accomplishments, and what will they contribute to the world?
My children don’t remember a time when Mama hasn’t worked, and they have only vague memories of the days before Mama was also working to help women and families. I don’t just tell them that women have unlimited potential — I work every day to show them how to use their own potential. I was raised with my own working mother’s example to show me I could and should make a difference in other people’s lives. Now, I’m teaching my own daughters and my son that in our family, making the world a better place isn’t a gender-specific occupation, or one that’s off-limits for mothers.
Phil Bryant’s Republican Party wants a world where women follow traditional gender roles and put their energies primarily into raising their families. As a woman and a Democrat, I want to live in a world where both men and women work to fulfill their greatest potential. For some of us, that means being a full-time parent, or a part-time job that balances family. For others, it means working to take care of our economic needs, or having a demanding career that benefits society. Sometimes it means different things at different times in our lives. One thing is certain, though: our capabilities aren’t exclusively determined by X or Y chromosomes, and neither are our families’ needs. Our opportunities shouldn’t be, either.
Ultimately, my children know I love them and do my best for them, even if the laundry isn’t always folded and the cupcakes for the class party come from Kroger and I’m not home in time for dinner. And when they tell me, as my daughter Claire did last week, that they want to grow up and be just like me, then I know I’m doing my most important job right.